First day of the last month of a random and sometimes horrible year.

It's strange to think of all the changes one person can go through in any measurement of time.  This year has been one long uncertain roller-coaster.  I find myself forever waiting for the other shoe to drop.  

There has been so much bad, so much sadness, that the small happiness that flits in and out seems foreign and untrue.  Yet, we cling to it with a desperate and driving force.  Perchance to soak up every last ounce of positivity.  To absorb and store every molecule of love we can, to carry us through the next tribulation. 

But, all life is not so desperate in its day to day.  Those of us who live with a teeter totter in our minds, see through a haze of passionate life that can be more often than not, a drawback.  Oh, to be innocent and carefree.  A luxury I cannot afford.  

There is something to be said for seeing the positive, and the complete countering negative, but to find the balance and act accordingly is rare indeed.  

When are we just ourselves?  When do we stop knowing who we are, and just be ourselves?

It is a strange line.  Knowing who you are is one thing.  But, I find I am having moments now where I catch myself doing simple innocuous acts that more define me than the knowing.  When, I am completely comfortable and not paying attention to the observations of others.  

Those are moments that make me feel carefree.  Feel simple innocence.  Simply unconcerned.

Simply, Me.