Time abstract

There are times, just like this one.  This one shining and drowning moment.  Dark as it may be, in all its energy, I am lost.  I have writer's block.  No music is forthcoming.  My story has yet to be finished.  But, words in and of the nature they are born, must be laid out to be understood.  I cannot let them lie and rot, losing their fluid and beautiful nature with each passing moment.  In each word lies another piece of me.  Another part of my puzzle.  Without which, I would surely suffocate in this mire of choking fumes.  Bits of people floating in the air, growing more and more fecund in their decomposition.  Why must I lose myself in language, only to see a bit of myself more clearly?   And yet, the clearest and most peaceful I have been, I was tonight.  Less than a meter from the water, I watched the ripple and turn of the river.  Peace.  For but a few moments, all the more precious in their absence.  I daydreamed as I sat.  Daydreamed of the feel and flow of the water.  The way it would feel with every step, deeper and deeper, cold and comforting.  How, eventually, the water would close above my head, with the barest reflection of the sky above.  The cold would eventually become home and in this quiet isolation, I would find peace.  A kind of peace I've never known.  Where would these waters take me?  Would nature's heavy bounty swallow me up, welcoming yet another lost child?   But, no.  I sat.  And thus sitting, only imagined the possibility.   I have never been one to imagine my own willful demise.  As I sink farther and farther into this fruitless life I have chosen, these thoughts become harder to shut out.  I find I embrace the imagery.  A sort of comfort found in complete and total isolation. The quiet. The peace. What beauty.